Week one thoughts

 I really enjoyed reading the Launching Leaders book this week for the book report. (I didn't read it sooner because I didn't order it from Amazon right away, and I am a crazy fast reader.) As I was reading the chapter on Core Values, I thought to myself what a useful exercise it looked to be, and I was surprised that it hadn't been an assignment yet. I vowed that I would come back and do it after the semester is over when I have no other competing assignments and could delve more deeply into it. The very next day, as I was working through the class modules I was amused and pleased to find that very assignment listed! 

This week had a heavier workload, and I worked feverishly to accomplish all of my assignments for both classes by Friday at noon, due to my 50th birthday celebration on Friday night, and a dear long-time friend expected to travel in town for the weekend. It was rough! Several nights of burning the candle at both ends - literally up until 11pm and then waking at 4am unable to go back to sleep because I knew I had big assignments due in both classes. 

I was also amused that I was reading a book about leadership, and values and making decisions about what kind of person I want to become, and, having defined that I will have integrity and be honest in all aspects of my life, then reading the criteria for the book report and being admonished to find things to share from all parts of the book so that I can demonstrate that I read the whole book, not just the first three chapters. I was tempted to skim the book to write the book report, but having just listed honesty as a core value, how could I do that? So, I finished reading the entire book Wednesday and finished the book report Wednesday night. I actually wrote in the book and underlined many things that stood out to me. I wish it was a course available in the schools. I wish my high school senior and sophomore could take a course with this book as the core curriculum. I found the information in it so very valuable. Especially the chapter on finances, which is my biggest weakness. (That little voice of criticism just popped up in my head asking why I think I could have a successful business if finances are my biggest weakness) I have things to learn and improve there. 

The other thing that was interesting to me was the chapter on storytelling. I had never seen storytelling as something valuable before. In fact, quite the opposite. I thought of the word "storytelling" as something nigh unto lying, fabricating a fictional account or narrative with the intent to deceive. I had never considered that telling a story could teach principles that apply to all of us! But of course! Jesus is recorded in the Bible telling many stories to teach concepts, principles, ideas, and lessons! I am now on the lookout for when I hear stories, and where the opportunity to use/tell them shows up for me!

  I also liked learning about deconstructing fears and doing the exercise. Looking at our fears and closely examining them is a powerful tool that helps to shed them in a new light and take away so much of their power. Our subconscious mind holds on to so many things, and if we don't stop to pay attention to what is going on underneath the conscious mind, we can get caught in a cycle of self-sabotage, as the subconscious mind is doing it's job to "protect" us.

What I am really struggling with most in this class is "the calling". I've wanted to go to grad school and get my master's degree and do therapy since I was in high school. It has always felt like a calling to me. I've been looking at it seriously. I applied to the Boise State Online program this past October, but I decided to not pursue it. I'm 50 now. By the time I get done, I will be almost 54, then two more years until I get my license. So, at 57 years old, I can start a career with $32,000 in debt, with an average income of $42,000 a year. Additionally, there is a current shortage of therapists, and so many people are going to school to become therapists. When will the market become saturated and it's hard to find a job as a therapist? Pursuing it doesn't make any kind of logical sense! Additionally, I'm not willing to sacrifice the kind of time it will take from my kids in the few years that they have left at home. The rigor and intensity of a Master's degree are more than what I'm willing to do right now. And the whole thing just makes me sad. People are what make me tick. Discovering how the mind works, the motives behind the behavior, and what the subconscious mind is up to all interests me to no end! It energizes me. It's where my natural talents and interests lie! Technology, Business, and Accounting, all sound boring! I'd much rather be with someone on their journey of self-discovery and healing - emotionally, physically, or spiritually. What jobs or businesses can allow me to do that? How do I turn that desire into something that I can do as an entrepreneur? I felt prompted by the Spirit to follow this path a year ago, and so I am here, and I have no idea where it is going, and I am learning things that I never expected to along the way.